Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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