Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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