the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
