this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
