im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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