just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You left your phone here
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