put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize