forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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