i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
