Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
