After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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