You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
