If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A+ Viking dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
