And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
