for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm passing your future prison.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
