The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
