just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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