She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
