There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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