the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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