At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
