No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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