You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
