yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
bring money and cleavage
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
