Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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