he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
