he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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