Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
