Yo dont text me then not text me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pants are for mortals
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
