You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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