you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize