I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
