i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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