Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
