so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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