I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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