i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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