i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
