it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
