That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
