His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
