if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
