drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
