I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
