Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
