can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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