i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
