Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Houston, we have a blender
My liver just had a heart attack.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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