Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
