Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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