I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
