But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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