Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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