i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
