There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
