I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
