i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
