i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
