did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
