Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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