i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
