kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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