If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
