woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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