If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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