wanna go halves on a baby?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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