chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize