he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
