Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
