Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.

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(407): View more from Florida

I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate

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(662): View more from Mississippi

We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.

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(516): View more from New York

just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination

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(914): View more from New York

i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

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(347): View more from New York

We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"

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(626): View more from California

Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.

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