Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
