I wish my penis had an off switch
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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