Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
